Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think my mom watched the whole time
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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