what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
