90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
