I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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