and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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