just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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