I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
