I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
