I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize