A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
