it's like heaven, but drunker
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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