I molested 6 butterflies tonight
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
50% drunk capacity currently
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
