its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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