You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
