Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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