Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dick very happy bro
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
