my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
