Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
