Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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