Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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