Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
