1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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