What did we do last night that was yellow?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
