My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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