Did you just see the Batmobile???
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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