I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
