I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
