The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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