Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
