i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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