I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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