She is in my trunk
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
