Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
