there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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