Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
