Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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