I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
