oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
