it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They have beer where we have blood.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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