So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
