I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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