i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
