Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
