Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
