you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
