i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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