There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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