I think my fart just growled at me.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
