I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
