The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
