I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
