And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Randomize
