I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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