There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
