She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
