Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
