where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
