the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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