She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize