She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
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Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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