we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
