I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor