So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
