ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
