I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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