8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
